After blowing off lunch to get more Christmas Shopping completed before the teens go on Winter Break (bad self care move…but tis the season)… I was being called by the Fast Food Establishments to “Come Eat Me”.
I was proud of myself for skipping past many establishments along this one stretch of road and I see it… and the I quickly turn right…A Reason to Embark on Feeding the Beast…I remembered my boys were begging for Freddy’s Fry Sauce. Fun Stocking Stuffers is the justification. In reality, I am hungry, I’ve gone to long, my blood sugar is probably crashing and so I am not probably going to be making clear headed decisions.
And so the Sugar Beast speaks to my inside self and … I further rationalize…”I DESERVE a reward for NOT Drinking” It was further solidified in my warped mind that an Ice Cream treat is now an Earned Item because, rather than a burger and fries, I order the Grilled Chicken Burger wrapped in lettuce (gluten free style).
(Sidenote added one day later, after sleeping and reflecting, there was even a sign given to me while I was in line that should have had me pay, and then leave it behind…Oh…the signs are there …if we just open all of our senses and gather them in…)
It has been years since I indulged in a HFS – Hot Fudge Sundae. She handed it to me out the window and I was literally giddy as I take the first bite and it is cold and hot at the same time and melts in my mouth. (Very similar to the cold and “hot on the throat” sensation of the first martini of the night).
Insert Danger Signal Horn … Ba Ba Ba Ba Ba… red lights glaring.
But I continue to indulge, just as I would with the cocktails. I manage to “Eat and Drive” trying to avoid dripping it on me on my way to pick up a teen from school. If I had been camped on a barstool, I would have ordered another one of these Sugar Crack Whore Sundaes just for the sheer sensory experience of it in my mouth. This is not good…
Not to mention eating and driving is also Distracted Driving…just like Texting or Applying Makeup …but that is another societal issues for another blogpost.
Just like vodka is no bueno…so is dairy and sugar for me. I know this….
And then it hits me, I YAWN… I want a nap. Seriously… Another lesson to be revisited and relearned. I know I can’t do this but I make a mental note to self.
(Another Edit added the next day…BUT NOW IT IS IN MY SYSTEM…and a few hours later I want sugared pecans-I will simply add them to the salad…and then after a beautiful dinner… I am back in the cupboard hunting down something snacky. I utilize extreme self control and pass over the popcorn that I know also leads to making another bowl of popcorn…and decide to reward myself AGAIN…with ANOTHER BOWL OF ICE-CREAM….WHAT THE FLIP?)
How did I sleep last night? Woke up at midnight drenched in sweat… woke up a few more times, but still woke up chipper and excited to come write …and start a new book by Jason Vale.
I’m Annoyed. But I’m FORGIVING. I don’t need to beat myself up…
Chalk it up to a very simple lesson…I have a few areas of my life that need recognition if I want to be the best version of me… and now I recognize some Sensory Signs to avoid…a new item for my Tool Box.
But….it was Oh So Delicious!
….And I’m still sober.