Shrinking Violet


I always like the character of Violet in the movie The Incredibles.  She sort of just blended into the scenery and liked to be in her own little world of music and books.  I can relate.

When forced to help out in a family crisis, Violet discovers her superpowers: the ability to create force-fields and turn invisible.  She evolves into a strong and confident character.  Violet Blooms.


I think I found ways to turn “invisible” (…to even myself) in some social situations.  Cocktails provided me with superpowers – (or so I thought) – to do all kinds of things.

When teen/young-adult partying, turned to civilized cocktail events, I would shrink part of me.. as to not call too much attention to myself.

I think it could have been hatched “in the formative years” when I was told:

“If you don’t have anything nice to say…don’t say anything at all”.

Of course, that was meant to teach me a little tact and empathy…but I think for me I began to view it as the basis of “People Pleasing” behaviors.

  • Be civilized and avoid discussing politics and religion.
  • Don’t express real feelings, they might make people uncomfortable.
  • Hide your real beliefs, and avoid questioning other’s views that conflict with you own.

It’s just easier to put on a three martini smile (literally) and nod the head up and down with feigned interest.  Why take the time to debate and discuss, that would have been a buzz kill…OR…lead to a passionate honest rant…(next morning regret….blah blah blah)

I’m trying to Bloom this year, and part of that is expressing thoughts and ideas through writing, and trying to hear my own voice.

I’m trying to come from a place of honesty, vulnerability, putting it all out there.  I don’t want to play it safe.  I don’t want to censor my words for fear of offending.  I want to be raw.  (Of course that can lead to criticism…which can be very shriveling).

I felt some “perceived” criticism today (logical mind tries to convince emotional mind that it is not personal) and I wanted to run back into my safe, cozy, haven of the shadows.  But I am going to try to put on my superhero cape and be courageous and true.

I don’t want to be a bulldozer.  I want to be thoughtful, compassionate, empathetic…but speak and act with conviction and depth, rather than safety and agreeability.

I want to ride the seesaw how it is meant to be–pushing off with strong feet and flying in the air–enjoying the ride up and down.  I don’t want to be sitting there, balanced in the middle place on the fulcrum.  Just hanging out.

I want to be in the game…but taking chances means taking possible downs with high soaring ups.  I’m growing …

Be Bold

Be Brave



3 thoughts on “Shrinking Violet

  1. Sounds like we were raised by the same method, and you’re right — it can be stifling. You could do nothing worse than offend someone or embarrass yourself. Holding an opinion would do both of those things at once.

    I love the blooming analogy, especially because in my mind, Spring is just around the corner. (I can only survive the dark days of winter by pretending they are almost over.)

    I’d love to see how this blooming unfolds, Merry B.


    Liked by 2 people

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