Not my Circus…

…Not My Monkeys!

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I cannot believe how many times I got pulled into a drinking binge because SOMEONE else wanted an “Amusement Park Ride”.

I was a reliable drinking buddy.  I could be called upon to drop everything and join the parade.  I relished in my impulsivity and “Good Time” reputation.  I was a reliable wingman…and they in turn would always say “Hell Ya” when I suggested opening another bottle.  It made me, I suppose, popular in it’s own dysfunctional way.  Friendships rooted in Cocktail Connectivity.

If I have any regrets, could do it all again in college, I would have put myself and my own goals first.  I would have been less concerned about fitting in.  I would have spent some sober time with myself-getting to know myself- and what I wanted in life…what made me happy and content.  (But those were probably all emotions that drove me to drink…scary adulting sort of stuff).

I’ve been reflecting on WHO, in my life, I feel the need to wear Sobriety Armor when in a social situation.  Who I have to have my SOS Toolkit – packed and ready for action- when I see them.   This reflection requires “looking back” so I can be ready for the future.

I hate looking back at drunken mishaps.  But I think I have to unpack the situation I found myself in…to make sure I have new vocabulary, dialogue, and/or strategies for future social situations.  I don’t want to hide in my home- I want connections.

The times I drank to make other people comfortable with their own binge adventure.

Not my circus

They needed a celebration buddy.

Not my monkeys

… to drown their sorrows…

Not my circus

Relax after a long hard day, week, month, year, decade…

Not my monkeys

Sometimes I drank so that other people would feel better about their drinking.  Like it was some sort of empathetic response, because I had my own problem that required justification of drinking with others – as to not have that checklist line  “Do You Find Yourself Drinking Alone.”  (Which later I became just fine with…well I mean as long as there was telephone to phone a friend buzzed…or a smartphone to… OMG the games that could be played… CiiiiiiiRRRRRRRccccccUUUUUUUsssss)

I’m liking this Polish Proverb.

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Passing the Baton

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I do not consider myself “Political”….at least I didn’t used to….

As an American, this particular election cycle, and tomorrow’s inauguration of a new President has me reflecting on my own journey in politics.

I can vividly recall a rainy night, probably 1968, when my siblings and I got packed up into the car so my Mom and Dad could take turns going into a garage a few blocks away from my Southern California Suburban home.  Besides the rain, what I remember most is my Dad saying “I don’t know why we do this when we just cancel out each other’s vote”.

Somehow, even as an eight year old, I knew that casting a vote was an honor, and privilege   for all that earn that right.  I confess I have not participated in every possible election, but I have not missed a presidential voting opportunity since I was eligible in the 1984.

When I went to college, I had NO CLUE, what I “WAS” (in more areas that just my political affiliation).  I think for most of us, we grow up hearing our parents, their friends, other relatives – the adults- “opinionate” and discuss and then sort of find our place in all of it.  Since I didn’t grow up with 24 hour TV (like today), and a channel for every viewpoint (dare I say propaganda platforms), I don’t think it was super obvious for me what I would do in my first eligible presidential election.  I’m sure my thinking was…Oh, Hell..who am I kidding… I know I didn’t even bother to think about it.

I signed up for the organization Young Republicans because it earned me a point toward a better room in the sorority house. I attended a large conservative private college, so I wonder (with laughter) if there even was a Young Democrat or Young Independent or Young OTHER party to align myself with.  I didn’t attend any meetings or actually get involved.  As I say, it was a way to get something else.

In the Spring of 1984, I attended a rally on campus for the Democratic Candidate, Walter Mondale.  I’m sure I went to meet some cute guy, or one of my classes conveniently ended and I just found myself there.  I know I did not make a conscious decision to attend.  With a student body made up of predominately “Young Republicans”, I still find it a mystery that his campaign organized an event on campus.

I was not prepared for the behavior of the student body.  I was shocked and distressed and embarrassed when a large percentage of kids starting booing and shouting put downs at a candidate for POTUS.  It was a game changer for me.  I was startled into a reality check.  I think I had an awakening at that moment.  It didn’t matter his views, I was rocked to my core that “audience members” would treat a speaker with so much disrespect.  I remember getting on my bike and riding away.  I didn’t want to be part of it.  For the first time in my life, I didn’t want to be part of the peer group.

I sought the council of my level-headed paternal grandfather that election.  He didn’t tell me how to vote, or who to vote for.  We had an “adult conversation” and when I asked, “How Do You Decide?”  He taught me, “Sometimes you just have to go with your gut”.

I have voted for Democratic and Republican candidates.  I’ve registered numerous times to change my affiliation.  I voted for the person and the issues.  I never just voted the Party Line.  I sort of named myself an Independent …at least I viewed myself as an Independent Thinker.

Over time, the places I lived, the jobs and direction of my career(s), the people I met (and married – LOL) began to shape my views and that, of course, aligned me to various political participants.  Becoming a parent, and looking at their future, was probably what motivated me to become much more involved in the process.  (Or… I’ve become my grandma who watches “talk shows” in the early evening – now SHE was a liberal political junkie!!!)

BigTreeLittleLeaf really got me thinking about Hiding.  In her post, If I Can’t Hide, Then Who Am I? She shares the things in her life she hid, along with her drinking.  It made me really take a look at myself…especially after this political season.  I was AFRAID to reveal who I really was as a voter   …my beliefs, my views, my preferences…because I was afraid of what others in my “highly conservative” village would think of me.  I Hid.

As a result, most probably thought I aligned with their Hillary Hate, and gun-carrying justifications, and Fox News Nuttiness.  I would bring up other points of view in conversation, but I think I did it in a way that some of the villagers simply thought I was enjoying a pot stirring moment.  I never truly shined a light on who I was and what I was thinking about….

I didn’t proclaim my “side” on social media.  I stayed hidden. (But I did have to stop following some people -including a cousin who sounded just like her father-my uncle- who used to get into every post Election Thanksgiving with my liberal grandmother-that ended in shout out matches at the kitchen sink.  Of course, it’s my tribe, so there was always cocktails involved to fire up the adults.)

I noted this in myself after a family reunion this summer (during the Republican Convention), and it didn’t sit well with me, and so I got “brave” before the first debate and sent my father a funny joke … (that’s always a bridge for communicating with him). Although I never told anyone I had voted for Obama, he just figured my sister and I were his “daughters who negated his vote”… {and we are back to the rainy night in ’68}

What joke did I textCLICK HERE.  This post is not intended to start up any debate or rankle anyone’s choices, or set back anyone’s “progress” since November.  I share it as part of my relationship with my Dad and my first attempt at coming out of my hiding place. 

He tried to sell me on some crazy stats he had picked up on some highly slanted website, informed me that I should call my brother because “He would set me right”… and some other rant type words.  I respectfully disagreed, and told him what HIS father taught me at my first election…“Sometimes you just have to go with your gut”.

I also had one “friend in the village” who phoned me a couple weeks before the election.  She led in with “I think you are my only friend that I suspect is voting for HER”.  I was honest, I did not hide, I am well informed…but I didn’t call her out for fake news hysteria…but I was taking baby steps out of the dark corner.  (As a sidenote, I just got a call from her in the middle of this post asking my thoughts on the Inauguration and Women’s March…it was spirited, respectful, healthy, and I voiced stronger stances with her today…)

Which leads me toward a conclusion.

I voted for Obama in 2008 (mostly because I couldn’t support the other candidate and running mate), and when the election results were announced, I looked at Mr. and said “Do you think he really wants this job”.  I was optimistically hopeful.

I voted for Obama again in 2012 because I truly felt he was the best person for the job.

And as he Passes the Baton, I feel my life and the future for my children, have been improved because of his leadership.  I have nothing but an overall positive opinion of his time in the White House.

I did not vote for Trump.  Although I will admit, I like the idea of a Business Man’s perspective on this “JOB”.  As I said to my Dad even before the debates and other circus acts unfolded… I believed that there needs to be change.  But I did not believe that Donald Trump was THAT change agent.  I still do not believe he is…

But tomorrow he will be my President.

Always Keep Hope in Your Heart is a phrase I came to live in my core (especially through seven years of infertility)

I will support POTUS with an open heart. I will watch the inauguration tomorrow, and I will be optimistically hopeful.

I am also very excited for the Women’s March on Washington this Saturday. I think it is great that people are NOT hiding. They are coming out to gather and join together in communities to support a vision of unity principles.

Their mission:

We stand together in solidarity with our partners and children for the protection of our rights, our safety, our health, and our families – recognizing that our vibrant and diverse communities are the strength of our country.  -Women’s March Mission 

I used to hide…now I seek.

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….Wonder what I will find?

 

A Biology Lesson: Epigenetics

It’s finals week for my three high school teens.  The freshman is studying for his Biology exam and the topic of nature vs nurture and the study of epigenetics got me thinking…

  • I wonder if my kid’s will have issues with alcohol?
  • I doubt there is an alcohol gene? 
  • Could/Did my husband and I, with our family histories, pass it along?
  • I think it’s a modeling behavior thing….which makes me hopeful for my kids.

We have always sort of joked that I Am… My Father’s Daughter.  He, and a few of my siblings, have NO moderation switch either.   Each of us likes to drink thousands of cocktails…once the cork opens…the behavior is drink until (insert all kinds of possible scenario endings). I saw my grandparents drink at every social function, but I don’t think I ever saw any of them drunk.  (But I never saw them pass up a drink at happy hour either). Overall, I come from a long line of Highly Functioning Alcohol Over-Consumers.

I’m not blaming any of this on anyone but me, I have made my choices.

But as the oldest grandchild, I got moved up to the Big Table and offered wine-maybe even before puberty.  We were taught to open pull tab beers (and make chains out them-and they were quite long) at a very early age, we could pump a keg, and I recall being the bartender of a holiday event when I was about ten. I could make a fabulous Old Fashioned and Martini while in grammar school.

There was the Christmas where each of us were given our own bottle of Trader Vic’s Mai Tai Mix.  All of us Littles would pretend we were making our own cocktails. Our grandfather mixed it in a fancy glass with a cherry.

Adulting = Drinking

That was the message in my tribe.

And it is no surprise that when I felt sort of uncertain about something new, I would turn to a thing I was REALLY good at… drinking…and being able to drink more than most.

We all like to do the things we are good at.

A few weeks ago, I sort of had this extreme Guilt Trip wash over me.  So much so, I felt this strong desire to send my siblings – who I taught to drink – an apology note.

  • “Hey Sibling(s), Sorry I taught you to Pre-Party.”  
  • “Sorry I modeled that the only way to be grown up and have fun is to cocktail…your brains out and…
  • Hey it’s OK if you make an ass of yourself…we all do” {Laugh Laugh– Deny Deny}

I didn’t send the note, I reasoned that they would have learned it from another family member – that learned it from someone before them…and so on and so on.  I really want to model something else for my kids.

But some in the family tree got the Off Switch and some of us didn’t.

So back to Epigenetics. Click here if you want to watch a short video.  It explains how we have the ability to make choices in our thoughts and lifestyle which can change how our genes “express” themselves.  Without getting too scientific, we are born with a DNA blueprint, but the packaging of all of it can switch on and switch off or reorganize.  It explains why twins, separated at birth, can end up having very different health histories/outcomes depending upon how they were “nurtured” and the things they were exposed to while growing up.

So, I don’t believe my kids are destined, or that I am destined for disaster from my bad choices in the past.  The body is an AMAZING machine that can transform itself when given the proper “nutrition”.  (The liver is especially regenerating).  I have to believe in this positive manner.

The video link above mentioned a 2 month cell life.  Which gives me hope that some things are going to start switching back on…or switching off in ME in the next couple of weeks.  I simply believe that I am on the road to healing whatever damage I unwittingly did to myself over 35+ years of drinking.

 

The new science of epigenetics promises that every person on the planet has the opportunity to become who they really are, complete with unimaginable power and the ability to operate from, and go for, the highest possibilities, including healing our bodies and our culture and living in peace – Bruce Lipton

And I love this other quote by Bruce… it SWITCHES ON my optimism.

The moment you change your perception, is the moment you rewrite the chemistry in your body.

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Moderateness

I’m adding a new word for 2017…

Moderateness

Besides liking the way it sounds when I say it out loud….(and I’m sick of commenting on my lack of moderation)… It’s a state of being …that I would like to find comfortable this year and into the future.

Moderateness: quality of being moderate and avoiding extremes; the middle of extremes…

I’ve already reflected that I am NOT a Moderate in the drinking department, but I also tend to get a bit…um…hyper-focused …and then teeter-totter over to the land of distraction…and then soon enough I find that

…I’ve got way too many plates spinning in the air at once.

This looks like:

  • Reading 5 books
  • Knitting 4 projects
  • Enrolled in 3 on-line classes
  • Juggling 2 gym membership schedules
  • …and only me…

And that doesn’t even begin to address it…

I spent last weekend with reflecting on a management plan for this “overabundance of unfinished activity”.  I completed some projects and made a pledge NOT to start anything new (unless I mindfully decide to put something else aside for awhile).  I think it’s all about being present and mindful in my decision making.  (Aha moment)

I’m eager to read (devour) all that I can from other writers and authors who are sharing their alcohol free living.  But rather than checkout on my family and real life, I’m going to practice moderateness and limit myself to one book per month.  Rather than keep shoveling it in…I’m going to read and ponder before diving into the next one. It’s just sort of worked out that way over the last couple of months.  So…I’m going to wait until my 2 month mark (February 7th) before I get to crack open my next book.

I’ve figured out how to add a new tab to my blog menu:  Books I Read

Here are a few more details about each of these gems:

November 2016   A Happier Hour by Bex Weller.  Somehow I stumbled onto Bex through a social media link (I was actually sitting buzzed on the coach).  She has a website program called Sexy Sobriety and her new memoir had just released in August.  I was very intrigued with the idea of participating in a 90 day program that did not involve attending AA.  Sobered up…pondered some more…bought the book.  After getting through Thanksgiving and a family celebration in the wine country… I was ready!  Merry B. Sober was born.

December 2016  Kick the Drink… Easily by Jason Vale opened my eyes to the concept that alcohol is no different than any other drug. That was/is a huge mindset shift.  I want to thank this community of bloggers for recommending that title!

January 2017  Drinking to Distraction by Jenna Hollenstein.  Her memoir is so relatable to my journey and she begins a meditation practice – something that has been calling to me.  I am going to spend the rest of the month continuing my “crawl” into a practice.  Deepak Chopra sent me an link to a recording Modern Meditator: How to Quiet Your Busy Mind and Discover Who You Really Are…

I think if I let each book speak to me and build on the previous month…by the end of 2017 I will have rich, deep… Moderateness Foundation.  I’ve already got the building blocks of:

  • Commitment to Long Term Goals
  • Comfort with Mindset Shifting
  • Meditation

I’ve chosen Annie Grace’s THIS NAKED MIND: Control Alcohol, Find Freedom, Discover Happiness, and Change Your Life  for next month.

Anyone have any other great titles that “I Must Read”????

Book Notes: Drinking to Distraction

I took the advise of many sober blogs and bought Kick the Drink Easily by Jason Vale.  I wrote my reflections in a blog post.  And since this blog is a tool in so many ways… it is first my own diary or journal. I want to make sure I get down, in writing, as many great ideas as I can from others as I move along on this journey.

Jenna Hollenstein, the author of Drinking to Distraction, has given me a lot to relate to …and think about … as I move along in the Next Half of My Life.

From the moment I read the sample on my kindle, then downloaded to keep reading, I was flying through the book, almost nodding my head up and down.  When she started sharing her journey with learning to meditate, I really got intrigued. Here are a list of my notes (highlights on my kindle)…

…”How I used drinking to hold on to pleasurable experiences way past their expiration date, how I never want the party to end and thought it couldn’t end as long as I kept drinking. Other times, I used alcohol to change the way things were… Last, my drinking allowed me to zone out….Alcohol was not inherently poisonous, but the way I used it was problematic”. (Jenna)

Yep… we could be sisters from a different mother! And then she shared a tool from her box:

“Practicing meditation had allowed me to cultivate enough space to let in a glimmer of a new thought: maybe things were just as they should be.  Maybe I was just as I should be.” (Jenna)

When I found this book, I was in the middle of reading You Are Here: Discovering the Magic of the Present Moment by Thich Nhat Hanh. (There seems to be a lot more reading time with a clear and unintoxicated mind…giggle)  I have been grappling with this idea of starting a meditation practice.  You Are Here got me on the road…but Jenna’s book really gave me a bridge to seeing how it could help me with all the thoughts roaring around me head.

“I realized that all of my judgement of things good and bad, right and wrong, perfect or imperfect, all the stories about why I wasn’t enough-those were just thoughts…my thoughts were not me. They were like passing clouds while I was like the blue sky, constant and unwavering.” (Jenna)

Jenna titled her Afterword: I Will Always Love Booze

….”Though I missed drinking a glass of wine at an event or having a cocktail with a friend, I really missed drinking alone.  I missed the ritual and the predictable relief of it, like putting in foam earphones that expanded to obliterate any unwanted noise…. the indulgence of finishing off a bottle of wine without the judgement of onlookers.” (Jenna)

“A friend started drinking again after quitting for more than a year.  Listening to her describe how she was able to drink moderately after a long pause made me envious.  And fearful.  Despite all the internal work I had done with meditation, I feared that nothing had changed in my relationship with alcohol except for my choice not to drink”. (Jenna)

Jenna shares a business trip to France and it’s challenges and the wish to have just one glass of wine.

“Instead during my trip…I chose to abstain from alcohol, to tolerate my discomfort, to remind myself to inhale and exhale and experience the full weight…and I watched the desire to drink rise, abide, and eventually dissolve”. (Jenna)

“By no means did I mediate away my desire to drink.  Quite the contrary.  But the space introduced by practicing meditation has also allowed me to see what I don’t miss: the obsessing, the guilt and shame, the wasted time and opportunities, the physical effects on my mind and body. (Jenna)

Yes. Yes. Yes.  I woke up this morning so excited to look out my window and see the clean fresh snow knowing I had no guilt or shame of the night before when I got into a second bottle of wine.  I had a whole day in front of me.  Not wasting a single minute to rehydrate and clutter my mind and regret how lousy I felt.  THIS IS AMAZING. I want to remember this everyday that I wake up.

As Jenna concludes, she realizes that she has a different relationship with alcohol than others.  I have made that same discovery and her final words gave me some connection to those of us who choose to be Alcohol Free:

“I continue to learn to sit with the knowledge that I’m different and the awareness that not drinking is one of the tradeoffs that comes as a result of being honest with myself” (Jenna, last line of Drinking to Distraction)

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-Vernon Howard

Dodged a Bullet

The last few days have been filled with flashbacks of a bunch of drunken blunders of the past.  It’s been a real shamefest mixed with sighs of relief that some of those events didn’t end in tragic outcomes.  It has been a challenge to stay positive and not get down on myself.

I think I finally figured out what set the whole thing off.

My husband asked me to run an errand on Friday evening:

(Alert…I’m going to be talking about buying booze…if you want to avoid reading further…totally understandable)

“I just got a call from a client who asked if we could bring him a “Really Good Bottle of CHAMPAGNE when we drive up to the cabin”.  {Is there really such a thing as a Bad Bottle?  Well, of course, some are better than other for the first bottle…but after the second…all champagne and other cocktails taste “Really Good”… OLD THINKING BE GONE}

Me: “Sure… I can do that…what is the budget?”, “How many bottles?”… I was sort of giddy inside that I knew exactly what to buy, cause frankly, one of my talents (former)….is/ was…. finding and purchasing really good liquor!  I am a Bargain Basement Betty in all Consumer Treasure Hunts.

I had no problem marching into the speciality liquor store. I’m not tempted.  I don’t have any intentions of drinking it.  It was sort of fun to use my husband’s company card – spend someone else’s money- on some “ol’ favorites”.  No sadness that it isn’t for me…no wondering if I could now be a moderate after more than 6 weeks since having my last drinks (and daily blog writing is my reminder that I am NOT a moderate).

This was easy.  I was actually feeling really good about it.  Simple.  I can exist in the society that accepts alcohol, but not crack cocaine or heroine… But hey…I ‘m not out to change others…just live my own sparkly little life…  But…

But… then I got a little less confident when I recalled a time I had visited this couple on the mountain and one glass of chardonnay turned to many…and there was drunk snowmobiling with kiddos (hence the ending in tragedy picture show…because what ifs)…and I think I recall being told..yes I remember… me singing the lyrics of “Who Let The Dog Out” when in a visit to the loo (complete with the Who? Who?…).  Not one of my finer moments.  Not a disaster…but obviously a memory of … ‘wish that would not had happened…in front of my kids…blah blah blah’.

So…

  • What if we got invited in?
  • What if they wanted to pop open the champagne?
  • What if they poured me a glass when I wasn’t looking, before I could turn it down? Would I pretend to sip…but not really.
  • SERIOUSLY????  WTF….

I started filling up with my toolbox with how I would handle “an offering”.  Of course saying no thank you would be so much easier if I hadn’t obviously shown in a previous visit that I “like to drink”.

(The husband has noticed I have not been drinking…but because I have done sobriety for long stretches in our 27+ year relationship…I don’t think he has really heard me when I’ve said…I’m not drinking ANYMORE…)  So he isn’t really in my toolbox right now.  And I don’t want to start of huge discussion of …can we figure out a way to drop it off without staying to visit?…  I just figure I will make due…but….

That little tidbit of a former drunkfest made my “turn down line” a bit more complicated.  Or, at least, I was giving myself a hard time about it.  So…

I sat myself down for a little talking to…”Why are you doing this to yourself?” “Simply say NO Thank You and see where it goes…and how you feel…and then you will know what to say”.

I had resolve to not drink…but I was struggling with how to explain it-if asked…at a place I had been drunk before…sort of like going into your once favorite bar and dealing with the bartender who used to know you could suck down two to three times more than everyone else before it became obvious you were drunk (or so I perceived anyway).

Am I making too much of this?

I tend to get too caught up in being prepared (which is sort of needed-hence the toolkit)…but I really don’t need to play out every possible conversation diversion. Time to just get comfortable with myself…RIGHT?

We pull off the road, it’s snowy, I’m dreading having to be social…I just want to get to my own cabin before dark….AND

THEY DO NOT ANSWER THE DOOR!

Hallelujah!  I do a cartwheel in my mind.  I smile in my mind.  I say “Oh that is too bad honey…let’s just leave it on the porch”…and then my insides replicate that feeling of ding dong ditch…and a bit of…praying…please don’t let them come around the corner… Hurry up…let’s get out of here!!!   LOL!!!!!!

Happy Smile.  Phew….

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Bullet Dodged.

 

 

Merry B Sober meets the Numerologist

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I’m having a blast playing around with this number “thing” on a cold January morning. The playfulness theme ironically (or not) sorta matches Merry B Sober’s numerology report for her numbers for Destiny and Soul Urge/Heart Desire. (More fun and carefree).

Yesterday, I wrote about my relationship with the number Thirteen.  Which led to finding a numerology “quiz” today based on my birthday and birthname.  It was eerily accurate in describing me and my traits and quirks.

Then I had a crazy fun idea flash through my mind later this morning…

“Let’s use my Day 1 (December 7, 2016) and newly created sober name (Merry B Sober) to see what the numerologist report has to say about my new future Sober Self.”

Oddly enough, my two “birthdates”  yields the same number: (1) ONE.

Funny, Odd, Haha, Coincidental that the LIFE PATH is the same for Mary and Merry? I think not.  LOL.

Your Life Path number reveals a broad outline of the opportunities, challenges and lessons you will encounter during this lifetime.

Ok, I said to myself, let’s learn about Merry’s Destiny Number (based on matching letters to the alphabet to numbers…)

Unlike the Life Path number which reads as you are, the Destiny number more correctly reads as you MUST or what you can aspire to become.

Worked out to be a (5) FIVE.

So what am I to become?  As I listened to the video voice, I furiously scribbled key words

  • Freedom
  • Variety
  • Easy Going
  • Adaptability
  • Handles Change Well
  • Multi-Tasker
  • Versatile
  • Loves Change
  • Colorful
  • Interesting
  • Planner and Goal-Setter
  • Spice in Life
  • Intuition

SUCCESSFUL and FUN.

My head and heart summed it all up with the notion that:

Merry B Sober is upbeat and joyful.  (Mary’s report was accurate but more serious, not as much FUN and FLEXIBILITY!!!  Click here to see every number’s analysis.)

I already like the new Merry.  She is bright and sparkly.  Just like I wanted to be…and the new AF version is proving to reveal the glitter.

So what about Merry’s Soul Urge or Heart’s Desire?  One uses the vowels in the name to find the number.  This is supposed to be one’s personality and hidden motivations.  The use of vowels parallel the tender hidden side things…just like the sounds some vowels make.  Overall, it’s the Prompting of the Soul.

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Scribbling again… Heart Desire 5

  • Gifted Storyteller
  • Charming
  • Fun Loving
  • Freedom
  • Variety
  • Gifted Speaker
  • Hard to Focus, Easily Distracted
  • What’s Next?
  • Spicy
  • Don’t like Molds
  • Soul Wants FULL EXPERIENCE
  • Good Goal – Stay Grounded

I hunted around the internet for a bit more on what could be in store for Merry’s Soul Urge 5 Score description:

The energy of the 5 is more dynamic and volatile, impulsive, responsive to the moment, and less controlled; however, it is not aggressive. It is a vibration of action and change. Some of the more positive traits that are representative of those with 5s in their numerological chart are; stimulating, witty, charismatic, optimistic, inspiring, daring, adventurous, energetic, sensual, tolerant, flexible, adaptable, curious, enthusiastic, easy going, and a free spirit. 

But here was the downside… (cough cough)

On the negative side the 5 is irresponsible, gets bored easily, can be overly excitable and emotionally superficial. Those with 5s in their chart have a tendency for indulgence, often expressed in sexual promiscuity, overeating, or drug and alcohol abuse. Mary’s Soul Number = 7

Listing it as a reminder..but making the font really small, as to literally minimize the desire to fall into the negative traits. (Am I losing it my mind…nope just having some fun)

So ends my numerology lesson for today.

 

 

 

Thirteen

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I’ve always liked the number 13.

I liked being 13 years old.  Things were really simple for me at that age.  No booze, No boys, No bothers.  I was very active in my sport, I had simple friendships, …I was just on the verge of “waking up” and learning about the adult world. Thirteen was one of the “good years”.

I met my husband on May 13, 1989.

I married on October 13, 1990.

Some of my favorite people are born on the 13th…especially my sister.

I even liked the scary movie series!

I like the number 13.  

I like math, I like numbers.

I like numerology (Check out The Life You Were Born to Live by Dan Millman)

Here’s what various websites have to say about my favorite number:

The Number 13 is a karmic number and is the number of upheaval so that new ground can be broken. 

Number that cleans and purifies.

…The lucky character of the number 13 has an impact on the date of Friday 13. The positive energy that is favorable to good luck circulates much more freely on Friday 13, which notably explains why these dates are conducive to money gains and positive events. In my opinion, the number thirteen cannot be dissociated from luck. Also, Friday 13 is one of the luckiest and happiest days.

Yes…I found statements that fit what I want to say today.

I feel lucky and happy to be me.  I feel clean and purified.

I’m breaking ground…I plan to Bloom in 2017.

Happy Friday the 13th!

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{Update}

I stumbled onto a fun site this morning…very random find since I was looking for instagram feeds for meditation ideas… (more on that later).

NUMEROLOGIST.com  Decode Your Destiny

It’s a fun, free “experience”.  No email address or credit card requested.  Just your name and birthday.  (I’m sure I’ve just alerted Big Brother to somehow track me now…so that is the only heads up I’m offering to anyone who clicks the link) but….

I had to giggle at how “spot on” the video presentation matched ME.

My birthday number equals 1.

My destiny number 11.

(Then I stopped playing “this number game” when it asked for my email address}

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Bloom

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I’m in a good place today.

But…I’ve been in dark places – down the rabbit hole, many times, and it takes my BGB (Big Girl Boots) to find my way out.  Those boots usually involve “sucking it up” and taking a HONEST look at myself and my actions.

Self-Reflection is sort of a “Gardening” experience for me.  Sometimes I’m an overgrown field that requires digging up a lot of weeds to get to some fresh soil (a new outlook or goal).

Then I need some sowing (that can take a metaphoric bulldozer or a hoe) and some new nourishment  (in farm terms that can be manure too- which could require the boots!…

…and then the garden is ready for planting …again.

Let the growing begin.

I plan to BLOOM!

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