Merry B Sober Two Months

…sixty-some days.  I don’t have a counter app on my phone… too lazy to pull out a calendar and do the count box by box.  I think I sort of like not focusing on the numbers.  (Which is really odd, since I am a Math Geek/Number kind of gal).

So TWO MONTHS… woohoo…  (feigned enthusiasm I’m afraid)…

I know it is a really big deal to be where I am… and I’m not taking it for granted… and I had that little voice whisper in my ear this weekend about Moderation.

Scene:  Touring college with my 18 year old daughter. See a cute little brew pub on a corner.

Crazy Voice in My Head: “What a fun place to have a beer”

Merry B Sober: “Nope…you can’t”

CViMH: “Of course you can become a Moderate Drinker by Fall of 2017”

Merry B Sober: “Nope…you can’t”

CViMH:  “You know how easy it will be…just 2 beers…no more…unless you don’t feel buzzed and then you can add more at your drunken discretion”

Merry B Sober “No more drink tickets”

CViMH: “Just one drink every hour…we can play that time monitoring game…”

…..and that is all the time I gave that nutty conversation.  I had a tiny grief moment…no drinking with my kids.  Then I had another aha moment.

Maybe some of my drinking habits had to do with the fact that I had “bonding moments” with both my Mom and Dad – drinking – while I was still underage or in my early 20s.  How sad that I got some of my self-worth from being a “really good drinker”.  My dad could boast about how I attended his college and could drink like he could….(Ok…no need for looking in the rear view mirror)…

But it does lend itself to recognizing that I can write new stories with my three teens as they get ready to head off to college.  Need to discuss with Mr. Merry (NOT B Sober…yet…).  We have to write some new scenes for our kids so that drinking doesn’t become as big of a family connector as it has for my siblings, parents, grandparents and me.

Cruising into month three.

 

12 thoughts on “Merry B Sober Two Months

  1. You so eloquently described the insidious thinking that the disease uses us to get back to the drink! We are powerless over those thoughts coming, but not what we do about it. Great job and congrats on 60 days!

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  2. Congratulations on two months. The voice of moderation is so hard. I fought it and it won on three previous occasions. Best to never enter a battle with it again, but to rest in the knowledge that it always wins and we only find success when we walk away from that voice.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes Yes Yes… we must walk away from the VOM. There was (is) also this very odd, “feeling”, (will process more and write about it later) that occurred when I decided to take that first sip after a very long sober period (10 months – post pregnancy….and then the 25 month stretch that ended about 4 years ago).

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  3. I bonded with my parents over alcohol. They are both big drinkers. My dad was also very proud of me becasue I could drink ‘like man’ and my mother always used booze to self medicate. I hope to break that familial spiral down the addiction rabbit hole. If there is one thing I want to spare my children is having to deal with the hell of addiction. I want to show them that there is a better less painful way to live.xxx

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  4. I can so relate to this. I bonded with my kids while drinking as well. Of course, most of their younger years they just watched me drink. Somehow I don’t think they would describe that as “fun.” Now it almost doesn’t matter because I don’t feel like I’m missing out or I need it to feel as good as they do, if they are drinking. It took longer than 60 days to get to that point — it was more like 6 months. But it happened! And now the little voice that argues with me is kind of funny and sad. Today it suggested I celebrate my upcoming 1 year sober anniversary by having a drink. Really??

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