Like many, I’ve been in a funk. So I decided to use all my frequent flyer points and leave on Sunday morning (before my teens even get up)…to visit my mom…and then fly back. Be a Jet Setter on Mother’s Day. Make a memory.
Because I feel like I need connection? YES YES YES…
But…was it also…
I wanted to do something grand and memorable and feel like I have a big wonderful life like all the Social Media Posters out there? YEP… I shared my plan with others, by text, as I waited for my Uber…and yes, I shared a picture on Facebook today.
AND IT FELT GOOD (not the social media-ing) But being HOME… more than anything to spend if only a few hours with my mom…and surprise her…and the look on her face…and the feel of her hug…and the comfort and familiarity…. the important stuff. The gratitude of family and 2 healthy (Mom more than Dad) 70ish parents… and the reality that waiting for next year…could be a mistake. The planning was exciting… the surprise even better.
But about the funk leading up to the fun…
I know much of it is my streak of competitive jealous envy…or is it fear… fear that my kids don’t have the same drive as their peers…or aren’t getting invites from “those” kids… and I don’t even think they care… it just seems to eat at me at times… it’s embarrassing to admit…i’m not even sure I’m articulating it well…
It leads to me feeling like a “bad” mom…like I haven’t done enough… and that by CHOOSING to do less and allow my kids to figure it out on their own…I have done them some sort of disservice. That leads to lots of self talk…and lack of confidence.
I HATE that VOICE in my head.
I’m trying to remember I don’t have to believe everything SHE/it says.
Social Media just makes it look like everyone else is having this grand amazing family relationship memory moments. It’s connection that creates DIS-connection for me.
And so…this Ick Factor Muck tells me I need a SHIFT.
A Disruption. (more on that later…but I think I’ve been introduced to something empowering!)
I’ve got to get out of this comparison thing I’ve been doing for the last few weeks. I’m excited and curious to hear and “eavesdrop” on social media about the lives of my high school and college friends… but I need to stop being so GREEN-eyed MONSTER about it…i don’t necessarily want what they have… it’s uglier…it’s like I’m dissatisfied with what I have…
AND THAT IS ON ME.
I’ve got to flip it.
So…I’m going to do two action steps for the next 28 days:
Write down 5 things I am grateful for ….post each and everyday.
Greet my family as they come in from work and school with love and/or enthusiasm…or at the very least interest. I’ve got to cultivate the family love. It’s not magic. It’s work.
So I’m back down to earth. The jet has landed.
Here we go…I’m grateful for….
- Healthy Husband, Healthy Teenagers… no one is sick or injured today.
- Financial Security – to be able to fly to see my parents if I need or want to…put gas in my car…buy groceries… I have more than I need…and I am thankful for the opportunity to be calm and not anxious… that is HUGE…and I need to acknowledge it.
- Siblings that support me and listen and encourage and laugh and fill me up…and keep me humble and down to earth.
- Sober Mindset. A switch flipped for me a little over 5 months ago. I simply DESIRE to be the BEST ME….and that can’t happen with ANY ethanol in my system.
- Electricity. Today is laundry day and I don’t have to go to the river and beat my clothes with a rock. (I’m not reaching…I’m just going to try and dig deeper into the next 27 days in the future)
BONUS…the ability to type and share…and know one of you is reading this and nodding your head … and that gives me connection.