Week is not Weak

I’ve been sober for 1 week many times…. one month sober various times…including a 25 month stretch.  It’s amazing how much can change in one week:

Eager to get up and start the day with thoughts of everything I can and will accomplish.

Confidence in myself and my commitments to myself.  I set a goal (30 days) and since I’ve done it before, I have no doubt that I will easily finish the task.

But this time is different.  This time I am using Annie Grace’s Alcohol Experiment to revisit many of the myths and cultural beliefs about alcohol that I wrote about in 2016/17.  I believe these reminders from Annie are helping to set a deeper groove into the areas of my brain to make the choice to live AF.   I let outside influences pull me back to a cycle of “trying moderation”.  I am not a moderate.  I was days shy of calling it 365 days of Sparkle and Shine.    I’m reminded about my desire to Bloom.

What derailed me.  The people in my life…in various forms of social interaction.

It was a decade birthday celebration {A Few Sips is Nothing}…and that illogic just opened the door for….

I didn’t want to:

  • explain
  • disappoint
  • feel left out
  • be bored
  • insert any other excuse to move away from my own goal in order to please someone else.

I’m reminded again that our society and culture accept alcohol-different than any other perceived toxic substance (I don’t think very many are ready to accept that sugar is killing our society either..yet).

No one offers their kids cocaine or heroine… at home… before they leave for college so they are ready for it.

No one offers a cigarette to someone if the say they are trying to cut back or quit. (Except maybe their smoking buddies)

Which leads to the big issue about alcohol… If I choose not to drink, it most likely makes someone question whether or not they should be drinking…which makes them uncomfortable…so it is easier to have me drink along with them….so some encourage me to “have one with them”.  Or they ask why not?

I’ve moved past the mindset that they MIGHT think I have a problem… because why else would anyone choose not to drink.  I’ve educated my direct peers and family over the years that I don’t drink to optimize my health.

But now, as I reflect, I wonder why I ever started drinking again.  And never mind what the “message” I sent about choosing to NOT be in optimal health? (Not that it is my job to model anything for anyone else…well except my kids…) Alcohol can really muck things up.  It’s a very complicated substance.  Annie’s Day 7 chapter “Your Experiment and Your Friends” really helped me see that I have knocked down some of my own roadblocks.

Alcohol is addictive (Or I would have an OFF switch)

Alcohol is poison (Or I wouldn’t see my health LESS than optimal when I drink)

I am fun without alcohol (That took took time and experience to prove through many different social situations and celebrations and even vacations.  I know it is possible because I have done it before….I just need to remember to remind myself of it).

I know in my core that I am NOT weak. It’s OK to be different.  Choosing to not drink can set us apart from community.  (But only if I let it….and it is not my job to take away the uncomfortable feeling others have…but I can use humor to talk about MY choice).  Finding phrases and vocabulary will probably always be tricky because I don’t anyone else to feel I am judging their choices to drink.  I’ve used:

  • “I just feel better…sleep better… am better”
  • “I’ve run out of drink tickets” (especially useful to former booze buddies)
  • “Not tonight”

I like this new example by Zoe (p65) “alcohol was making me depressed”.

Alcohol IS a depressant.  

Speak Truth.

 

 

 

 

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